Heart's Abundance
by Nel
Summary: Nakago reflects on his life on the day of his daughter's wedding.


Heart's Abundance

Nakago stood against the wall of the reception hall, watching his beautiful daughter dance with her husband. When she had first explained to her that they were to be married, he had felt cold dread. He wondered if maybe Taka was trying to replace the lost love he'd had for Miaka before his death and return, or if he might have some other less-than-savory motive. Eventually, he had gotten to know the man, had gotten to know that Miaka had loved him for a reason; because he was kind and gentle and valiant, and unmasked. In some ways, he and Miaka had worked well because they were both like that. But Kaena was like her father. He had known it since she was a child.

Kaena had always been charming, but reserved. After the incident with Tenkou, she had become withdrawn. She feared nothing, except losing those she loved. She was an unusual child; too perceptive, too intelligent, too mature for her age. Adults loved her, but the other childre never accepted her. Those rejections hurt her deeply, and as he well knew, it was easier to build a wall to keep others out rather than letting those untrustworthy fools in to walk away with little pieces of his heart. He hadn't discouraged this, even though he saw it in her. It was safer for her. But it had served neither of them well.

Nakago had once told Miaka in a moment of extreme vulnerability that he desperately feared losing her; that it was easier to build a wall than to hand people your heart and have them crush it. When his wife had been hospitalized for her heart, Nakago had felt nothing but terror. He had maintained a calm exterior, so much so that the doctors were confused and put off by his seeming lack of concern, but the idea of losing her was too painful to bear. He had once told her that he would die first, to which she responded, "Over my dead body." She had thought he was joking, but he was not. He had given all of his heart to Miaka, and now she could walk off with it. It would kill him.

But now, Kaena had part of his heart too. He had always worried for her, that she would never allow herself to find happiness. She was a strong woman, apart and usually fine with that. She had never needed friends as a child. She had books, she had her magical studies, and the tutors, and of course her doting parents. But even the strong sometimes need help, as was fairly well demonstrated by their final battle. Kaena needed all of those warriors, not just for their powers, but because their devotion to her sustained her in some way. He knew that their acceptance was more priceless to her than any gem or amount of wealth. He had seen how she had silently wept for Andy at his funeral. She had given a piece of her heart to him, too, and he had taken it to his grave.

But despite that pain, Taka, who was the light to her dark, managed to hold her, managed to hand her a bit of his heart to sustain her. She had grieved for her friend, and then she had thrown herself into her wedding plans. Stoic, as her granite features had been as she walked down the aisle. He knew that face because he looked at it in the mirror every day. He knew what was behind it. Nakago would never have described himself as gooey on the inside, but he was certainly softer on the inside than the outside. The hard shell protected. He learned that at the knee of the Kutou emperor and it served him well, until Miaka came and broke down every defense, wheedling her way into his heart like a worm. She had taken his heart, a dangerous, precarious position. But rather than crushing it, she had tended it kindly, cultivating it, and as it turned out, it had grown under her gentle care. Enough to include a daughter. Enough to include her strange friends, like Rowan and Luke, who he admitted he liked very much. Even enough to include his wife's former love, his new son-in-law.

He had been so uneasy about their union at first. Dating was one thing, though Nakago would have killed the man if he'd tossed his daughter aside like garbage, but marriage was different. He had seen Kaena's defenses crumble; he had seen her hand her heart to her husband to care for and protect, and it frightened him for her sake.

But as he knew from Miaka's skilled cultivation, hearts could be grown. Taka had the same gift that Miaka did. He was not just friend to his allies, but he was beloved. Each of them respected him, true, but he was more than a comrade to them—he was a brother and a friend. He took pieces of their hearts and their bonds only grew stronger. He watched Taka's brother Chueii dancing with his wife, grinning at Taka over her shoulder, and he saw Luke and Kajri together, Kajri winking at him. He had grown these bonds by the strength of his love, of his heart.

Looking back on how he had been a lifetime ago, how he had hardened himself to protect himself from the horror of his daily life, how he had lived for himself, willingly taking the hearts of others and crushing them, like Kaen's, like Tomo's, like Yui's, he was ashamed. And then the pain of his parents dying, of never being truly accepted, because of being different, because of the weight of the past, he had to protect himself. And his heart withered within him.

Taka, he knew, would gladly take her heart, as she had taken his. He knew that, like Miaka, his son-in-law would tenderly care for it, leaving only more room there, more heart to share with others, with friends or with children or the whole world. His daughter was still a woman alone, but the guardian of her deepest vulnerabilities, and a guardian that Taka gladly accepted.

Miaka siddled up next to him. She looked healthier since her heart attack. The seishi had been sneaking her chi, strengthening her, because she, too, had come to love them all as her children.

"What are you thinking about?" she slipped her hand into his, leaning against him and staring up with eyes as bright as the day they were married.

"About how she finally gave her heart to him. I hope there's still room for us there," he spoke it before he knew how true it was. This day was bittersweet. As much as he wished for her happiness, he selfishly wanted to keep Kaena to himself. He loved her too much to let her go.

"That's the funny thing about hearts," his wife said softly. "When you share them with those who will treasure them, they only grow more abundant."

END


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